Do you have attractive people asking you for dates, wanting to be near you, and pursuing your company? Are you known as someone who is desirable?

I have a client who moaned that no one ever asked her out. She said it was her age; her lack of choices in her small town; her less than Hollywood good looks. She had a lot of reasons. Unfortunately, those reasons did not make her feel good, nor bring her any closer to what she wanted in life.

We began to look at what she could do instead of what she could not; what was right about her instead of what was wrong; what her strengths were instead of what limitations existed.

We then began to explore what the word desirable really means. My client considered the following points:

* Take extreme care of yourself.

People are attracted to someone who indulges in extreme self care. This means to keep your doctor's and dentist's appointments, get to the gym, pay attention to your diet, get enough sleep, stay connected to the people you love, and do those activities that feed your spirit. It's hard to be desirable if you are missing any of these aspects.

* Give yourself more than you need.

If you want to operate from a strong personal foundation, you must have a reserve of energy, support systems, and financial resources. These qualities make you very desirable.

* Have a vision for your life.

Develop clarity around your vision for your life. How would you like to live, and what does that look like over the next year, five years, and ten years? Visualize your ideal life and then put a plan into action to make it come true. If you don't know how to do that, hire a mentor, coach, counselor or tutor. The key is to do something to move yourself forward toward your vision.

* Watch those external benchmarks.

Give up striving, pushing, commitments, and external benchmarks as indicators of your success. We don't need to become someone else--we need to become more of who we are and not neglect ourselves. We need the grace and wisdom to have goals and not be attached to the outcome.

* Be the best.

Living the life you admire, being someone you can be proud of is very attractive. Having expertise and developing a reputation for excellence make you desirable.

* Participating in your community.

Being an integral part of a strong community and improving the quality of life of those around you make you interesting and sought-after. You got to where you are today because others helped you. Identify five people you can help become happier and more successful and contribute to them in the ways you know how.

I am happy to say that my client now has many choices for dating.

Want to be more desirable? Adopt these practices and watch how you become more attractive--to everyone.

Tonja Weimer

Tonja Evetts Weimer is a Master Certified singles relationship and life coach, speaker, syndicated columnist and author.

Tonja is a full time professional coach with a practice in Greenville, SC. She helps individuals, especially singles, re-craft their lives and find happiness and success in their career and relationships. Some of Tonja's professional activities include:

==> Syndicated singles relationship columnist, writing SAVVY DATING, a weekly column read by over a million readers in many U.S newspapers. Tonja's column addresses relationship and life issues of interest to all adults, but particularly to the over 110 million singles in the U.S. Tonja has also had articles published in New Woman, Hope, and House Beautiful magazines, and has won 3 Matrix Awards for her writing.

==> Motivational speaker, Tonja has been a keynote presenter at national and international conferences over the last 30 years.

==> Author of materials for educators and parents (7 books, six music albums and 2 videos), which have won 22 awards.

Some Speaking and Media Highlights:

==> Keynote speaker for 2004 Women’s Issues Network Conference, Sumter, SC.

==> Keynote speaker for 2002 Parents as Teachers International Conference, St. Louis, MO.

==> Keynote speaker for 1999 International Conference for Children & Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder.

==> Keynote speaker for 1998 European Education Conference, in Mannheim, Germany.

==> Keynote speaker in 35 U.S. states at educational conferences.

==> Presenter at the International Special Olympics in Notre Dame, at the request of Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

==> Created Space Songs for Children, at the request of NASA (album taken into space by astronauts three times.)

==> Appeared on CNN’s Showbiz Today and many other TV shows.

Educational and Professional Qualifications:

==> National Fellow (U.S. Dept. of Education.) M.A. in Human Development and Education, with an emphasis on creativity.

==> Master Certified Singles Relationship Coach, Relationship Coaching Institute.

==> Personal Life Coach, Graduate, Institute for Life Coach Training.

==> Member, International Coaching Federation